Personal and Professional Reputation

Our personal and professional reputation is something we foster and develop over time. Either consciously or unconsciously. With every choice, decision and action we take we build upon our reputations. We make mistakes along the way. We make attempts to fix them. We have success. We try to build upon that. Our image, or personal brand, is something we can trade on. People come to us for particular things - our honesty, for example, or our creativity. We are 'known' for particular attributes and beliefs, or ways of living and working. Our communication styles and appearance contribute to our reputation and brand.

The essence of reputation lies in what we stand for. What we will, and wont, do. And how we go about our day to day lives. Reflection and contemplation on 'what we stand for' can add clarity and weight to our brand. Our reputation is associated with our credibility. Our integrity. This integrity can become tarnished by association, by succumbing to professional pressures, by trying to please too many people and not simply the most important person - ourselves.

Our Compass

Values, virtues, preferences. All part of the power of self awareness. Self awareness is our compass for decision making, negotiation, satisfaction and fulfillment.Our values system can help us nurture our soul, encourage our spirit to fly and contributes to our unique personal style. Knowing who we truly are supports us emotionally, intellectually and socailly. Knowing what's important to us makes prioritising easier. Knowing our 'story' has many practical benefits, like what the best use of our time is.
With hundreds of coaching hours under my belt it seems that the most important question has become what do you want? If the answer is I dont know, just not this, then values have a part to play in the process. The importance of understanding and being able to define what we care deeply about, what is not negotiable, has benefits for others too. When we understand how values work and contribute to our responses and reactions we also then understand how they contribute to others thinking and behaviour. We learn to better accept others views, depersonalise conflict and avoid the distraction of worry about what others think.
Once we determine our values the next challenge may be to actually accept them. Once we start to unravel what it is we do really want in our working and persoanl lives our minds can race ahead and the reality that change is imminent can derail us. This is where we might consider snuggling up to, and embracing, trust and shaking hands firmly with courage to keep us on track. Trust that in knowing our values life becomes a lot simpler. Courage to persevere and to accept that whatever we find it is nothing more than just the truth. At the heart of who we are is our personal truth and if we are brave enough to uncover, and then accept it, what we need to do next becomes very clear. Clear because not only do we know what to do we know why.

Pain as Change Agent

It is 2.5 times more likely we will avoid pain than move towards pleasure according to the pleasure-pain principle. But could we benefit from staying with pain, embracing it and using it to our advantage?Does it take reaching our pain threshold to make changes quickly and easily? While we can commit to change, set great goals, have plans and strategies - ticking all the change boxes - it may be that until we experience a certain level of pain the change will require an above average level of strength, focus, support and constant attention to motivation. It may take that certain level of pain to engage in effortless decision making, to harness our raw energy, to resolve to change - in an instant.
So should we set sail with our pain, not be fearful of feeling it, own it, acknowledge it and vow to do something about it? Pain no doubt has an empowering role to play in growth. There have been some powerful thoughts on pain from some powerful individuals. Lance Armstrong said that pain is temporary but quitting is forever. He doesnt avoid it and acknowldges that his relationship with pain is part of what makes him great. Perhaps the line between pleasure and plain is where our threshold sits. Perseverence in spite of the pain is one thing, but what would happen if we stopped.had the courage to feel it's severity. Allowed oursleves to be with it till our threshold was reached, we'd had enough of it and it fuelled us to move on. Could it be that all this pain avoidance justs prolongs and enhances the pain?

Identity

When the Australian Open Tennis finished up here in Melbourne  a few weeks ago I was interested in all the talk around what it takes to be a champion. Determination, tenacity, focus, strength, great support team and so on. Within all of this was much speculation around Justine Henin from Belgium. The former number 1. How would she go on her return to the International Tour? As we now know she made it all the way to the Final. After taking an 18 month break to 'find herself' Justine spoke openly of the fact she now knows herself much better than she ever had. Working on who she was, her 'identity', had been very important, essential to her continuing. Her new-found happiness since walking away in mid-2008, was being widely reported. 
At just 25 she was burnt out, retiring at her peak of World Number 1. But not before some of the worst losses ever recorded by such a high ranked player. Our identity, what defines us, is closely linked to our self-esteem. How we see ourselves as a distinct individual and how we then compare to others either pleases us or makes us uncomfortable. Based on many reports from champions who 'just needed to step away for a while' may lie a lesson for all of us - you might win without being clear about who you are but once you reach the top, to keep on winning, it just won't last unless you know yourself well.

True (to) Self

It's widely reported that authenticity is one of our deepest psychological needs. In pursuit of 'being ourselves' we come face to face with some tough decisions and at times self-awareness 'fatigue'. Considered the cornerstone of mental health there are correlations between choosing authentic living and our levels of vitality, self-esteem and coping skills. Knowing our motives, emotions, preferences and abilities supports authenticity. Acting in ways congruent our values and needs regardless of criticism and rejection is 'being true to ourselves'. Less likely to turn to drugs, alcohol or self-destructive habits when we are true to who we are. More likely to have satisfying relationships, a strong sense of self-worth, confidence in challenges and ability to follow-through. Those low in authenticity are reported to be defensive, suspicious, confused, and easily overwhlemed. Many of us experience the vague dissastisfaction, sense of emptiness or self-betrayal that comes with conformity, being agreeable for the sake of it or toeing the line.

How is it then, with all the benefits noted, that it's still painful to be authentic? Brutal honesty, without our biases of ourselves, can be cringeworthy. It's not always nice to see where we really fit, and 'fail'. Others may reject us, inevitably some will. The freedom of authenticity comes at a cost, it's tiring, and at times tiresome, constantly evaluating your decisions against your values, strengths, likes and dislikes. It takes practice, patience, pause, contemplation, reflection, experiementation. Uniqueness, individual thinking, works against conformity and makes it hard for us to see 'where we fit in'. Wisdom, insight and creativity are the prize.

Challenging assumptions about what is necessary in life, what we must and have to do, what we should be doing and what we shouldnt opens the door to authenticity. Being true to our hearts and heads is not, however, for the faint hearted.

Tall Poppy

The term tall poppy has a long history. Destroying leaders to gain power is marked throughout the ages. Tall poppies viewed from afar, rather than as competitive rivals however, have been the focus of Professor Norman Feathers work. High-profile and high-status people, who we do not know personally, we feel we do get to know via the mass media, from a distance, and therefore feel free to have opinions on their falls from grace. Interestingly it is those with low self-esteem and competence that are found to be more likely to favour the fall of tall poppies. Author Susan Mitchell identifies the interesting similarities between Japan and Australia - one country emphasises enforcing conformity and the other is egalitarian in nature - both discourage the tall poppy from flourishing. Those attacked simply because they are perceived to have achieved too much public success, by those indulging in the 'tall-poppy lopping' are reflecting their own envy and low self-esteem and lack of fulfillment of their own secretly held goals, she offers. Mitchell's comment ' the culture that urges everyone to be individually responsible for their own success and well-being and then condones the cutting down of those who stand out from the crowd will never reach it's full potential' resonates. Australia as a nation is filled with promise and potential, Australians are wonderful people and to reach our full potential we need to support success and reward the achievements of those who stick their neck out, take risks, act with boldness, tackle setbacks and turn adversity into opportunity. Those who are yet to reach their potential should also be supported to recognise their lack of fulfillment and how they can go about living out their dreams rather than criticisng the efforts of those who have a go, and another go and another.