Spirit & Style

2010-09-07T09:27:00.000+10:00

Personal and Professional Reputation

2010-07-20T09:44:00.000+10:00

Our personal and professional reputation is something we foster and develop over time. Either consciously or unconsciously. With every choice, decision and action we take we build upon our reputations. We make mistakes along the way. We make attempts to fix them. We have success. We try to build upon that. Our image, or personal brand, is something we can trade on. People come to us for particular things - our honesty, for example, or our creativity. We are 'known' for particular attributes and beliefs, or ways of living and working. Our communication styles and appearance contribute to our reputation and brand.

The essence of reputation lies in what we stand for. What we will, and wont, do. And how we go about our day to day lives. Reflection and contemplation on 'what we stand for' can add clarity and weight to our brand. Our reputation is associated with our credibility. Our integrity. This integrity can become tarnished by association, by succumbing to professional pressures, by trying to please too many people and not simply the most important person - ourselves.

Our Compass

2010-04-30T09:27:00.000+10:00

Values, virtues, preferences. All part of the power of self awareness. Self awareness is our compass for decision making, negotiation, satisfaction and fulfillment.Our values system can help us nurture our soul, encourage our spirit to fly and contributes to our unique personal style. Knowing who we truly are supports us emotionally, intellectually and socailly. Knowing what's important to us makes prioritising easier. Knowing our 'story' has many practical benefits, like what the best use of our time is.
With hundreds of coaching hours under my belt it seems that the most important question has become what do you want? If the answer is I dont know, just not this, then values have a part to play in the process. The importance of understanding and being able to define what we care deeply about, what is not negotiable, has benefits for others too. When we understand how values work and contribute to our responses and reactions we also then understand how they contribute to others thinking and behaviour. We learn to better accept others views, depersonalise conflict and avoid the distraction of worry about what others think.
Once we determine our values the next challenge may be to actually accept them. Once we start to unravel what it is we do really want in our working and persoanl lives our minds can race ahead and the reality that change is imminent can derail us. This is where we might consider snuggling up to, and embracing, trust and shaking hands firmly with courage to keep us on track. Trust that in knowing our values life becomes a lot simpler. Courage to persevere and to accept that whatever we find it is nothing more than just the truth. At the heart of who we are is our personal truth and if we are brave enough to uncover, and then accept it, what we need to do next becomes very clear. Clear because not only do we know what to do we know why.

Pain as Change Agent

2010-03-06T10:44:00.004+11:00

It is 2.5 times more likely we will avoid pain than move towards pleasure according to the pleasure-pain principle. But could we benefit from staying with pain, embracing it and using it to our advantage?Does it take reaching our pain threshold to make changes quickly and easily? While we can commit to change, set great goals, have plans and strategies - ticking all the change boxes - it may be that until we experience a certain level of pain the change will require an above average level of strength, focus, support and constant attention to motivation. It may take that certain level of pain to engage in effortless decision making, to harness our raw energy, to resolve to change - in an instant.
So should we set sail with our pain, not be fearful of feeling it, own it, acknowledge it and vow to do something about it? Pain no doubt has an empowering role to play in growth. There have been some powerful thoughts on pain from some powerful individuals. Lance Armstrong said that pain is temporary but quitting is forever. He doesnt avoid it and acknowldges that his relationship with pain is part of what makes him great. Perhaps the line between pleasure and plain is where our threshold sits. Perseverence in spite of the pain is one thing, but what would happen if we stopped.had the courage to feel it's severity. Allowed oursleves to be with it till our threshold was reached, we'd had enough of it and it fuelled us to move on. Could it be that all this pain avoidance justs prolongs and enhances the pain?

Identity

2010-03-06T09:43:00.003+11:00

When the Australian Open Tennis finished up here in Melbourne a few weeks ago I was interested in all the talk around what it takes to be a champion. Determination, tenacity, focus, strength, great support team and so on. Within all of this was much speculation around Justine Henin from Belgium. The former number 1. How would she go on her return to the International Tour? As we now know she made it all the way to the Final. After taking an 18 month break to 'find herself' Justine spoke openly of the fact she now knows herself much better than she ever had. Working on who she was, her 'identity', had been very important, essential to her continuing. Her new-found happiness since walking away in mid-2008, was being widely reported.
At just 25 she was burnt out, retiring at her peak of World Number 1. But not before some of the worst losses ever recorded by such a high ranked player. Our identity, what defines us, is closely linked to our self-esteem. How we see ourselves as a distinct individual and how we then compare to others either pleases us or makes us uncomfortable. Based on many reports from champions who 'just needed to step away for a while' may lie a lesson for all of us - you might win without being clear about who you are but once you reach the top, to keep on winning, it just won't last unless you know yourself well.

True (to) Self

2010-01-11T08:58:00.002+11:00

It's widely reported that authenticity is one of our deepest psychological needs. In pursuit of 'being ourselves' we come face to face with some tough decisions and at times self-awareness 'fatigue'. Considered the cornerstone of mental health there are correlations between choosing authentic living and our levels of vitality, self-esteem and coping skills. Knowing our motives, emotions, preferences and abilities supports authenticity. Acting in ways congruent our values and needs regardless of criticism and rejection is 'being true to ourselves'. Less likely to turn to drugs, alcohol or self-destructive habits when we are true to who we are. More likely to have satisfying relationships, a strong sense of self-worth, confidence in challenges and ability to follow-through. Those low in authenticity are reported to be defensive, suspicious, confused, and easily overwhlemed. Many of us experience the vague dissastisfaction, sense of emptiness or self-betrayal that comes with conformity, being agreeable for the sake of it or toeing the line.

How is it then, with all the benefits noted, that it's still painful to be authentic? Brutal honesty, without our biases of ourselves, can be cringeworthy. It's not always nice to see where we really fit, and 'fail'. Others may reject us, inevitably some will. The freedom of authenticity comes at a cost, it's tiring, and at times tiresome, constantly evaluating your decisions against your values, strengths, likes and dislikes. It takes practice, patience, pause, contemplation, reflection, experiementation. Uniqueness, individual thinking, works against conformity and makes it hard for us to see 'where we fit in'. Wisdom, insight and creativity are the prize.

Challenging assumptions about what is necessary in life, what we must and have to do, what we should be doing and what we shouldnt opens the door to authenticity. Being true to our hearts and heads is not, however, for the faint hearted.

Tall Poppy

2009-12-07T20:08:00.003+11:00

The term tall poppy has a long history. Destroying leaders to gain power is marked throughout the ages. Tall poppies viewed from afar, rather than as competitive rivals however, have been the focus of Professor Norman Feathers work. High-profile and high-status people, who we do not know personally, we feel we do get to know via the mass media, from a distance, and therefore feel free to have opinions on their falls from grace. Interestingly it is those with low self-esteem and competence that are found to be more likely to favour the fall of tall poppies. Author Susan Mitchell identifies the interesting similarities between Japan and Australia - one country emphasises enforcing conformity and the other is egalitarian in nature - both discourage the tall poppy from flourishing. Those attacked simply because they are perceived to have achieved too much public success, by those indulging in the 'tall-poppy lopping' are reflecting their own envy and low self-esteem and lack of fulfillment of their own secretly held goals, she offers. Mitchell's comment ' the culture that urges everyone to be individually responsible for their own success and well-being and then condones the cutting down of those who stand out from the crowd will never reach it's full potential' resonates. Australia as a nation is filled with promise and potential, Australians are wonderful people and to reach our full potential we need to support success and reward the achievements of those who stick their neck out, take risks, act with boldness, tackle setbacks and turn adversity into opportunity. Those who are yet to reach their potential should also be supported to recognise their lack of fulfillment and how they can go about living out their dreams rather than criticisng the efforts of those who have a go, and another go and another.

Chemistry

2009-10-30T09:49:00.003+11:00

At work, and in life, chemistry between people can make the difference, that makes the difference. Speaking with a mentor I was interested in her response to my query - how do we create chemistry between people? With our clients? This was instigated by a research article published by Hardvard Business Review that chemistry between coach and client is the number one reason the relationship works. Her response was ' People like people like themselves'. It seems we can work hard at having chemistry or it can come naturally. The natural variety is alluring, enjoyable and energising. So much of our training in business and the workplace focuses on client relationships. We work hard to create chemistry with ' all kinds of personalities'. Wouldn't we be better enjoying the chemistry that comes naturally with the people (or clients) who are just like us?

Flow

2009-09-25T09:31:00.006+10:00

With the AFL (Aussie Rules) Grand Final on tomorrow I find myself thinking about the concept of flow yet again(one of my favourite subjects). Mike Csikszentmihalyi has dedicated much of his working life to the concept of 'flow' (a metaphor for water carrying us along); feeling completely at home within yourself when you work or the positive emotion about the present with no conscious thought or feeling attached to the outcome or when challenges faced perfectly mesh with our ability to meet them.
Many elite sportspeople talk about flow and trying to recreate or recapture these very moments. The moment when everything comes together and time stands still. When we are immersed in our own world and all else stands still - the task becomes effortless, we become fully focused, completely involved. The teams are well matched and successful in their own rights. The team with the most players who experience moments of flow, 'who are in the zone' despite the pressures, will no doubt be victors.

Storytelling

2009-08-26T09:50:00.006+10:00

Listening to another coach the other day I realised the power of storytelling. He was trying to get across the true value (in dollar terms) of the solutions that services like coaching offers. He told a few of us a true story about a guy in Northern America who helped fix a problem with a ship. The ship kept breaking down and mechanics just didn't seem to be able to fix it. In short he went to the bowels of the boat and tinkered a bit, he chatted to himself, talked to the boat even. The crew could hear him moving about, tapping, prodding. He resurfaced, wiping his hands, saying she should be right now. Months later the ship was working a treat. No more breaking down, no more delays.

When his bill arrived for $5000. The crew wondered what they were paying for. The story went something like - about $25 for parts and the rest for the skills I used to get the solution you needed. But you were only there for 15 minutes they exclaimed! Yes. And what have I helped you achieve? Many tens of thousands of dollars, many many hours of delay, many days even, had been saved. Confidence that you would reach your destination, not be stranded again. Disappointing your clients again, putting your crew at risk again. Something no-one else had been able to do.

The solution he offered was powerful, valuable and essential. He had a simple process that he knew worked. The moral of the story was that it's not the amount of time we spend on something it's the skill and ability to draw out the solution that matters. It's the outcome we pay for, not how long it takes to get there. This story got the message across to a group of people from different walks of life who, on some level, were sceptical about the value of high-end coahcing fees. The power of storytelling can be useful when speaking with clients but goes beyond business - when educating our children, diffusing conflict or powerful communication.

Pleasure

2009-08-04T09:08:00.004+10:00

While working on a self coaching product for newsletter subscribers and clients I realised how easy it had been to compile all of the reasons to include more pleasure in our lives. Seems obvious doesn't it. More pleasure equals more happiness. Pleasure is an important element of feeling like our days are worthwhile, not a grind or drudgery. Pleasure can come in many forms and excites our senses. Pleasure is also personal. What might be a real treat for me may seem a little ho-hum to others. What sort of difference could it make to partake in little indulgences - without the guilt? If we understand the real benefit of indulgence and pleasure - the positive power of pleasure - we may be more inclined to allow ourselves to enjoy them. The pleasures that are easy to access, that we can include in our days easily - can have a protective effect against anxiety and stress. If we know what we find pleasurable, and make it easy to access, it can turn our day around or start our day off well. Pleasure can come from laughter, a beautiful scent, a taste sensation and so on. By adding a simple pleasure to each of our days it can really turn our lives (one day at a time) around when we need to most. I'm off to find a witty cartoon that makes me laugh out loud.

Talent

2009-07-21T20:30:00.005+10:00

I write with mixed feelings about Michael Jackson's death. I found his more recent behaviour, and appearance, worrying. I am extremely interested in how those of us who pursue our talents and achieve excellence actually get there. But more interested in how they then live their lives once they have arrived - with satisfaction - what sustains them? Who 'looks after' them and nurtures their input and creativity? I continue to be fascinated by his talent and until his death I had never really looked closely at the lyrics of his songs. I wasn't aware of the humanitarian slant on much of his work and I'm moved by the words he wrote for songs like Man in the Mirror. It seems that more and more our most talented are falling by the way side. They are succumbing to the pressure and expectations either we, or they, place on them. The impact this man had is unquestionable. He moved millions. To move. To dance, to sing. Michael Jackson was hard to look at in the end - I, we, were worried by what we saw. I was saddened by the comparison I was making with images of a robust, beautiful young man in his prime at 21 (in the Billie Jean film clip) and the withered, contorted man at 50. The stories and accusations were, are, concerning. We may never know the truth. What we do know is that this man touched millions of people. Made them sing. Made them groove. He brought a great deal of joy to so many people. Who he really was and what he really wanted is open for debate. But like most of us, probably just love, connection, contribution and the satisfaction that comes with knowing we made a difference.

Human Behaviour

2009-06-22T19:54:00.005+10:00

My love affair with what makes us tick seems to grow each year. Since starting my work as a coach I have rekindled the desire to tap into the brain, the mind, the way we think. What makes some of us behave in certain ways and others in opposing ways? I coach and work with individuals who have tried everything, who's needs are urgent or the stakes are high. It's the clients who are under enormous pressure, may not know what to do next or are facing a unique challenge that energise me the most. By working with focussed solutions based coaching techniques barriers can be, and are, broken down and significant breakthroughs are made. Interested in what makes me tick I've recently discovered (though long suspected) that the underlying motivator for me as a coach is to be valuable to a client, to be appreciated and to be able to bring about change where other attempts have failed. To fill an urgent need where the stakes are high is very appealing. The greater the challenge and the higher the stakes, the more focused, and exhilirated I become. Accepting this is where my strengths lie has been liberating.

Rites of Passage

2009-05-13T14:49:00.008+10:00

Rites of passage focus our attention on change, moving from one phase of our lives into another - without losing our sense of self, but building on it. It seems many of the traditional rites of passage have dissipated in western cultures. The few remaining include marriage, childbirth, 'legal' adulthood. Having recently given birth to a second child, under different circumstances to the first, the boost in confidence and a real sense of achievement was something I rarely experience. It's rare for us to have the opportunity to challenge ourselves physically and emotionally where we cannot back out we need to face our fears and make important decisions, taking ownership and responsibility for how we feel about the outcomes. In addition a rite of passage is to a degree a community / social experience - may have gone before us, we rely on others to guide us, we need to trust those with expertise and experience but ultimately we are responsible for how we develop as a result of the experience. There is usually an intense period of learning, an array of useful yet conflicting advice is offered but choices need to be made - by the individual.

Positive Effects of Pleasure

2009-04-27T15:42:00.010+10:00

While working on a self coaching product for newsletter subscribers and clients I realised how easy it had been to compile all of the reasons to include more pleasure in our lives. Seems obvious doesnt it. More pleasure equals more happiness. Pleasure is an important element of feeling like our days are worthwhile, not a grind or drudgery. Pleasure can be in many forms and excites our senses. Pleasure is personal. What might be a real treat for me may seem a little ho-hum to others. What sort of difference could it make to partake in little indulgences - without the guilt. If we understand the real benefit of indulgence and pleasure - the positive power of pleasure we may be more inclined to allow ourselves to enjoy. There are pleasures that are easy to access, that we can include in our days easily. It seems we may easily forget the positive effects of pleasure -which is interesting in itself - and when we make it easy to access them we can turn our day around or start our day off well. Pleasure can come from laughter, a beautiful scent or a taste sensation. By adding a simple pleasure to each of our days it can really turn our lives around when we need to. Today I'm going in search of a cartoon that makes me laugh out loud.

Into the Spotlight

2009-04-20T12:54:00.005+10:00

Authenticity is all well and good when the going is great. What I'm most interested in is how we choose to manage this when the times are a little tougher. It seems to take practice but the benefits are significant. When we're called to put ourselves, our beliefs and our dreams on the line or out there for all to see it's true we take a risk. An exciting one if it comes off. No-one has ever gained anything of substance from hiding their light. As we display our talents and passions we invariably open ourselves up to the pain of rejection. This seems to be one of the reasons many people choose not to show their true colours. When we show ourselves for who we really are, and others reject us, we really have to just accept it. But what about when the times are tough. Many of us shrink a little, pull back a bit, reassess the situation and adjust our energy and enthusiasm, dimming our light a little. The most amazing people are the ones who turn the light up, they put their head down and keep going, being true to themselves despite adversity, negative feedback, prejudice and the like. The people who make life a joy - are inspiring - don't change based on external influences, they stay true to themselves. Sure they need help and support like anyone does but by being creative, expressive, taking risks and trying new things they give so much. Their talents entertain us, their opinions bring us together in conversation, they challenge our own thinking and contribute to our growth. Sportspeople, entertainers, politicians, designers, leaders, social entrepreneurs. The Steve Irwin's, Barack Obama's, Germaine Greer's, Ben Cousins - no matter what you think of them and their opinions or approach they make a contribution, they have a go, they keep going and ultimately they end up having an impact just by being who they are, despite the struggles or adversity. Shouldn't we nurture them, thank them and support them? Give them second, third and fourth chances? The only way to be brilliant is to take risks so maybe we should all get out of our armchairs and have a go too. Taking a risk might just pay off, even it means a stumble or two along the way.

Environmental Psychology

2009-04-06T09:43:00.006+10:00

Environmental Psychology was a fascinating subject to study at University. I find the principles apply to my own life and I'm interested in the magnitude and impact it has on other's lives. Environmental in the sense of physical environment, built environment, colour, aesthetics and so on. There are some colours for example that inspire, smells that bring memories flooding back, materials that calm ...and the reverse of course. When we work and live in physical environments that don't reflect our personal style we can disengage or even become irritated. It seems that individuals who are passionate, successful and authentic know this intuitively and their 'environmental style' is quite obvious - it flows from their car choice, to their homes, to their clothing, their holiday destinations etc. Having studied at different educational institutions I was amazed at the difference the classroom and general surroundings made to the way I engaged with the lecturer, the information and the students. Adelaide University had beautiful buildings and grounds (in hindsight one of the reasons I wanted to go there) but as an undergraduate we were stuck in dark, dank, cold lecture theatres. At postgraduate level the new facilities at Swinburne University had natural light flooding into the smaller, more personalised lecture theatres which were a joy to attend - the coffee cart downstairs made great flat whites which added to the experience. It's worthwhile considering the impact the envrionment has on our psychology - do we feel relaxed where we need to? Comfortable and cosy in our bedrooms. Inspired where creativity is required? Energised by our boardrooms and meeting spaces. Patient and calm under stressful situations. At the dental surgery!

Spirited Presence & Authentic Style

2009-03-30T21:07:00.010+11:00

As I looked around my home and then office for inspiration when naming this blog it was apparent that the people and places I find inspiring are spirited and possess an authentic style. The essence of this blog is to celebrate the freedom that comes with knowing who we are. Those who have captured their own essence inspire, contribute and enrich. They live in the moment, aren't overly fussed by outcomes and are a joy to be around. They may be gorgeously nerdy, robust and rotund, determined and dedicated, creative and focused. Whoever they have chosen to be they are true to their sense of selves, courageous enough to live by their values and confident enough to have settled in to their own skin. They know what they have to offer others and often excel at living authentically and successfully.